One of the most significant tolls that a patriarchal structure exacts on everyone, particularly on men themselves, is this ’emotional suppression.’ In a patriarchal system, women are often seen as the embodiment of emotion, while men are viewed as symbols of logic. Naturally, when logic is placed on a pedestal and emotion is perceived as a ‘weakness,’ men find themselves in a difficult position. If they express anything other than anger or power, they are quickly labeled as ‘weak’ or ‘feminine.’
In this context, there’s a highly effective tool called ‘shame,’ which both controls men and is used by them to control others. Imagine it as a psychological virus: it harms the host while also spreading to others. Shame acts as a layer of dirt and mortar over other emotions, making it impossible to say, ‘I’m sad,’ ‘I’m stressed,’ or even ‘I’m happy,’ because there’s no space for that. The notion that ‘men shouldn’t show emotion’ is so ingrained that men gradually feel entitled only to express anger or rage. Other emotions become shameful secrets or forbidden stains.
What happens next? Their minds gradually close off. They become like blocks of cheese shaped with an ax, their delicate and colorful aspects cut away and reshaped. In the long run, they turn into people who don’t even know how they feel, let alone empathize with others. Their psyche becomes a flat line: no ups, no downs, no differences, no variety—something akin to depression or even alexithymia, where individuals struggle to identify and express their feelings.
Conversely, society oddly expects them to be kind, compassionate, understanding, and attentive. They ask, ‘Aren’t you a man of the house? Why aren’t you affectionate?’ Well, if your bucket was filled with red and black from the start, and you were told you couldn’t show any other colors, how can you suddenly produce blues and greens? Did they have the necessary tools? Was there an environment where they could experience a spectrum of emotions? Did we provide them with adequate resources and education? Or did we simply say, ‘Be a man, don’t show emotion,’ and then expect them to act like a flowery paradise?
The problem is that patriarchy justifies itself with logic, but its result is a one-dimensional existence that cripples emotional needs. And this doesn’t just destroy men; it creates a vicious cycle that affects women and everyone else. Ultimately, we expect a man to be a dormant war dragon, yet we also expect him to be capable of peace and affection. Well, have we truly created an environment where they can learn this duality? Or have we simply pressured them so that if a tear appears in their eye, they’re labeled ‘feminine’ and shamed?
So, if we want men who can be kind, empathetic, and have a wide range of emotions, we must first accept that we need to end this emotional suppression. We need to teach them that showing emotion isn’t weakness; it’s a dimension of being human. We need to remove that shame like an old virus from society and replace it with understanding, education, and a safe space for expressing emotions. Otherwise, the same old story continues: men who appear strong and logical on the outside, but are like bombs under the ashes, capable of exploding or collapsing at any moment.
